My dad took me on this fabulous walk the other day, and there was this strange looking vehicle that people seem to call a "party bus" parked by the curb. I didn't find it particularly fascinating, not until I saw that there was a mirror on one of the doors. Folks, I saw myself. I REALLY saw myself. Not in one of those profound, inner-beauty-soul-searching kind of ways. I mean, I am HOT. And to tell you the truth, since I'm such a humble being, I was not expecting to look so wonderfully beautiful. God, I'm just the greatest.
(Just for your reference...Vanity is defined as "excessive pride in or admiration of one's own appearance or achievements." But how does one measure whether pride is in the excess? What if I truly deserve to be so proud?)
Anyways, I thought I would grace all of your eyes with pictures of myself.
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| Aren't I just so dainty? Look at the placement of my front paws -it's almost as though I'm sitting on a horse the way a proper lady should. When I sit like this, I like to use "she," "her," "them" or "theirs" as my pronouns. Thank you. |
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| As much as I make fun of my mom for overdoing it with the Hipstamatic App, I do love these pictures of me that look "gritty." Tyra would totally call this "ugly beautiful." When you're this amazing looking, grit serves as an ironic lens. Am I using "ironic" correctly? |
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| People often ask me if I'm a fox. I always respond (in my head, of course), "have you ever even seen a picture of a fox? I look like a dog. Not a fox." But then I see a picture like this and some of the nonsense is forgiven. |
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| I just wanted you all to see how fluffy my coat is these days. Mom and dad gave me a horrible thing called a "bath" the other day, but now I'm minimally grateful. I like being soft and clean. |
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| Mom, the photographer, told me to "look away from the camera, pensive about something profound." Have I pulled it off? Don't make me laugh. This picture is dripping with intense and beautiful profundity. |
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| Gosh, I'm so embarassed that mom took a picture of me sleeping... I haven't even fixed my face for this particular photoshoot! Oh well, the "au nautrale" look works relatively well for me. I mean, I clearly own elegance and grace like it's my dayjob, so I don't even have to prepare anything to look amazing. |
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| How did this one get in here? Ugh, mom took an action shot of me stretching after my long nap. |
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| Sometimes a proper background is what makes or breaks a photoshoot, wouldn't you say? We didn't need to be in Dumbo with all the "special" scaffolding and the "cobble" stones. All we needed was dad's enormous slipper. |
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| Damn, I really worked that slipper. It doubled as a prop AND as a pillow. |
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| Like most animals, I enjoy sleeping in a sun-kissed room. Unlike most animals, I look gorgeous while doing it. |
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| Beautiful monorail. I can be super flat! |
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| Yea, mom's not looking so great, but I would like for you to check out the adorable rolls I have on my neck. I know that people are upset by the presence of rolls on their body, but I find that I'm (insanely) beautiful because I find validation in my own ego. Also, I think every shape, size and color is beautiful. |
World, I know you think I'm a bit ridiculous, what with my ego, pride, and mild narcissism. But to tell you the truth, I think everyone should be able to love themselves with intensity. Society and its narrow, profitable rules for what beauty can and cannot be can suck it.
Maybe I will write a guide on ignoring/schooling society and on loving your body.
Love, and even more LOVE,
Mandu
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